Hi everyone. It’s me. You know, me? Jessica. I run this place, usually pretty well. Lately though, I just haven’t been myself. So I want to talk to you about that today, in the most honest way possible. And maybe, just maybe, some of you are feeling this way too and you will know you’re not alone.
I’ve never been someone to open up easily about my problems, or to even admit that I have them. I’ve always been a good student, and someone who strives for perfection in everything I do. Naturally my role as a mother has followed suite and I’m lucky to have a beautiful family with two beautiful boys all to myself. Really, really, lucky.
I’ve posted before about finding a work-life balance, and how sometimes you just have to go with the flow and devote 100% of yourself to the task at hand, and sadly I haven’t been very good at this lately. I haven’t been kind to myself and I haven’t met any self-imposed goals both for my role as a mother or a self-employed business owner. It makes me feel unfulfilled in both roles, and it definitely doesn’t bring me joy. I was constantly weighed down with the guilt of not spending every waking minute with my children and the guilt of neglecting my businesses on some or all levels. I even let it weigh me down so much last month that it was starting to effect my personal life and those I love, something not pretty or fun to admit or talk about.
There are several reasons why this happened, and I refuse to allow myself to shoulder all of the blame. Though I talked to people about how I was feeling, I didn’t get much reaction or draw any conclusions for how to remedy the situation for myself. I think when you’re someone who does well most of your life, you are expected to just do well through anything and people assume that you don’t need help. Perhaps that you don’t want help? But trust me on this, you do.
You need to talk to people in a way that they will realize you need help. I don’t mean be crazy or harmful to yourself or others, but to be very candid and honest. It’s hard to do when the world seems to be stacked against you, but I’m happy to report that after some very candid heart-to-hearts I’ve been able to put myself on a path to improving my life and the lives of those around me. I have a zest for life that I feel like I’ve been missing for some time, and I’m looking forward to the future and being kinder to myself.
I’m taking a little time here to play catch up and get my ducks in a row. After that I’ll be back to regular posting, and I’ve even got some new stuff in the works that I’m excited to share.
Have you ever struggled to find the perfect work-life balance? I’d love to hear any tips you may have!
Be still, my heart.